I just got jizz'd on, in the eye, by a unicorn...

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13d
Posts: 43
Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2017 9:28 am

I just got jizz'd on, in the eye, by a unicorn...

Post by 13d » Thu Nov 08, 2018 2:17 am

... kinda

It all started a few weeks ago, I was probably in asda, and thought I'd pick up a bottle of imperial leather body wash, marshmallow flavor.. (it's delicious 😋)

my other bottle was running low and I feared that soon my skin would no longer subtly smell like sweet marshmallows...

I approached the isle and scanned the shelves for my sweet smelling potion, only to suffer a shock 🤯..
The shelf was EMPTY!!
Somehow I managed to stay calm and with ice cold composure, I selected an alternative "flavor" .. Cosmic unicorn" 🦄

My marshmallow replacement has since been restocked and is awaiting its call up pending the final ejaculation of cosmic unicorn...

Only minutes ago, I was very awkwardly attempting to shower using the bathroom sink .. why?.. because there is a rather large hole where the bath /shower is as the floor was ready to collapse.. I watched far too many horror movies growing up my bathroom is pretty much the perfect scene for something evil to creep out the hole and bite me...

I opened the cosmic unicorn and began to wash, after a few minutes of dripping soapy water on the floor it happened! .. I must admit, the cosmic unicorn was not really doing it for me, however, it seems that my tender touch was to much for it to contain..

Did I say tender touch? Tender means clumsy, right?

Whatever happened, I heard the clip of the container snap as it closed and felt the cosmic juice enter my eye.
The feeling was not pleasant, I could not open my eye, I could not see. It felt like the unicorn's burning horn had stabbed me in the eye...

After attempting to wash out the cosmic evil, my eye is now red raw and stinging nicely, however, I guess it should be clean.

Anyone tried the marshmallow imperial leather?
It's really yummy

steve
Posts: 334
Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:14 pm

Re: I just got jizz'd on, in the eye, by a unicorn...

Post by steve » Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:36 am

:lol: well it made me laugh

Bronwyn
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:15 am

Re: I just got jizz'd on, in the eye, by a unicorn...

Post by Bronwyn » Mon Nov 12, 2018 2:38 pm

We have the Marshmallow shower and bath cream :) Have you tried the cherry bakewell one? Does cosmic unicorn have glitter or a particular smell? A local cafe does yummy uinicorn hot chocolate sometimes :D

Jakob
Posts: 20
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 10:43 pm

Re: I just got jizz'd on, in the eye, by a unicorn...

Post by Jakob » Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:40 pm

:lol: damn, i just use hand soap, it's pretty eye-piercing-safe ;)

mishmosh
Posts: 136
Joined: Sun Oct 01, 2017 11:08 am
Location: UK

Re: I just got jizz'd on, in the eye, by a unicorn...

Post by mishmosh » Mon Dec 03, 2018 3:43 pm

Go for the mint if you're after a cheap thrill.

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